It has been four months since I have been home, and relative to other time, four months is not that long. I have been away from home longer than this period. However, with the festive season and the general vibe that comes with it, makes the whole thing harder to be away from family. Two weeks ago it was my cousin’s first birthday. And to be fair we do not make a lot of fuss around birthdays at home but occasionally we go all out. That whole week was just bad for me. I started focusing on how much I am missing by being out here when my family is all the way there. Last year I missed my first uncle’s funeral. And to be honest, at the time I was more sad for his children that he left behind than him dying. I guess because he suffered a bit in the end,cancer is as ugly as they say trust me. Then again, just a few days after I came back from home in August, my grandfather died. My parents were ready to book me another flight ticket to attend the funeral, but I just got back and uni was a little crazy, so then I told my mom it would be better to use the money towards the funeral and give him the best send off. And to be fair, again the most devastating thing about the whole thing was not that he died. My grandfather, god rest his soul, lived a full life, he raised his children and then his grandchildren and if it weren’t for his hard work and sweat, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities I have. He was a lot of fun, tons of experiences that he was always ready to share with us and sometimes unwilling to change in his ways or adapt to the so-called “modern-life”, regardless, he did great. I loved living with my grandparents when I was growing up, and even though there was some excitement about moving to the city for university, it was rather hard to leave my grandparents behind. The city is great, but nothing like the calmness and peace that comes from the village. Anyway, the hardest thing about my gran passing away was my grandmother. I have been constantly worried about her well-being and when I cried it was mostly because I could not be there for her in her time of need after the lot she did for me. And for my mom too, I cannot imagine what it is like to loose a parent.
The last few days I was online reading blogs and watching vlogs of other expats and their experiences. I was basically feeding the negative as they would say, and of course I sent my imagination wild and got myself sobbing. I thought watching and hearing about other people’s experiences would make me feel better, like I am not alone in this, but to be fair it did quiet the opposite. It is dangerous to feed the negative, even the smallest things will start to irritate you. I am not saying to avoid the emotions, let them all out but move on afterwards, don’t cling to it. Best thing to do is change course, go out and eat something you like, listen to your home music, make a cup of tea and dive into your novel,skype and call home, whatever works for you. Twitter helps too, well at least for me, seeing what is going on back home makes me feel like I am still part of my South African society.
And truth is I love my Himachali life. I have learned a lot and grown so much in ways that I cannot imagine possible anyway else in the world. Christmas is not that big out here as per my experience last year. I still won’t make it home in time, but I am ready to embrace whatever festivities India has to offer, and pretty excited about it. This time I am heading for a Delhi Christmas. Holidays are the hardest, but not only can you survive them, you can create new memories and traditions in your newly found home 🙂 Happy festive season!!
matshidisolp 